After a year of dating, I believe I finally came across my girlfriend’s biggest secret. She’s a sociopath.
Let’s start at the beginning…
I had been dating this awesome girl for just shy of a year. She is funny and smart and pretty and consequently also self involved, selfish,self righteous, and charmingly bitchy. Don’t get me wrong, I loved those qualities about her! A bitchy girl will always let you know where you stand and it was always one of those things that made me laugh…well, as long as I wasn’t at the receiving end of that attitude. In her defense, she also gave me my space and was always ready for a Target make-out party. She was a typhoon and I was crazy about her.
On the eve of her birthday she went out with a few friends to do whatever it is 30 year old lab technicians do. Personally, I imagined them in lab coats and taking shots out of test tubes and drinking beakers of beer. I doubt this was the case, but nonetheless it seemed strictly for the white coats as I was not invited. I had more fun with my favorite girl, Riesling, anyway. She didn’t text me or call me like I had asked, but I had work the next morning anyway so I went to bed.
The next morning I decided I could be late for work so I could take her the present I bought her. On that subject, I really had no idea that tissue paper was supposed to be used a certain way. Thanks, YouTube! I digress, when I asked her if I could bring by the camera I bought her she told me no. That was fucking weird and extremely shady. I was pissed and went to work. Strange texts about me texting and sending “Christina” our FB messages just further compounded my anger. I don’t even have a friend named Christina. Plus, I really doubt anyone would give a shit about our messages that generally focused on my dental hygiene obsession and how everyone in her life was stupid. She assured me that someone did give a shit and she’d explain later.
I made it home and waited for her call to explain. She told me to lock my door when I got home. What in the shit was happening?! I think it’s easy to figure out where this one was going. When she called me I found out she had a serious girlfriend. Boom, blow number one. This girlfriend was planning on coming over to “straighten this out”. Blow number two. This blow was especially crushing because my whole fist could fit into a lowball glass. These baby hands were made for loving, not fighting. I asked her how she could have made plans to move to LA when she had a long standing girlfriend. She told she hadn’t thought that far ahead. That was the thing we could both agree on. Was she just going to be like, “Hey, honey. I’m packing up all my things to move to LA, but I would like to maintain this relationship that I’m not committed to.”
This brings us to the present. I received an email today that said that the strongest get neglected. Clearly, my ex is fucking Plato incarnate! She went on to explain that those who handle situations better generally don’t get the apology they deserve because it appears that they don’t require one. She had no intention of explaining, apologizing, or seeing me any further. This proved to be a slap in the face because after a year, while I don’t need an apology, it would have been nice to get one. It still blows my mind to think that people have no conscience. It seemed like she did this everyday. Whatever. C’est la vie. Que sera, sera. When in Rome. And all the cliches!
I get it, we make shitty mistakes at times. I mean, I never pretended to have a secret life with secret friends, a secret girlfriend, and a secret set of stories, but I’m not here to judge anyone’s journey. I’m sure tons of people live lives that are just like a movie on Lifetime. I did get something out of it, I kept her gift! (Maybe a douche move, but when your gf has a secret life it’s a little hard to take the high road. Plus, she didn’t even have it yet.) I bought her a camera because in a few weeks I’ll be deploying. I’ll be gone and I knew we’d both be lonely. I loved her and I wanted to share in every beautiful thing that she saw while I was gone. She always seemed so lost to me, and I thought if she shot everything that moved her we could try and figure out what would make her happy. I did love her and while I know it’ll take awhile to piece myself back together I’m going to try to do things that will make me happy again. I’m thankful to get have gotten rid of her before I deployed!
This blog serves as my stage to document the next year in my life because it deserves to be known. I have a beautiful life with wonderful friends. I plan on taking too many pictures and writing about things that only matter to me. This is my shout into the void that sometimes surrounds us all. It’s just a whisper, but I hope that you’ll enjoy what I have to say.
Awkwardly Kissing Fish | The Lesbian Fundamentalist 